Dhoorfield: Austen and Vulture (First-ever GunZ play)

[Nosedagger]

Bump, and

I entered this in the Short+Sweet play submissions. It got rejected. NUUUUUUU

[Senvae]

Sorry to hear that man. Keep writing and it will eventually work out for you.

[Pirate_Hunter]

Sorry but i refuse to read that especially in that structure, well at least there were plenty of reviews

[Nosedagger]

"That structure"? What, exactly?

[Ailysa]

Originally Posted by Nosedagger

"That structure"? What, exactly?

I'm guessing he meant the stage-play structure.

[Nosedagger]

Originally Posted by Ailysa

I'm guessing he meant the stage-play structure.

Even if he did mean that (and there is nothing to show that he did) it's still not specific enough to be useful.

[Pirate_Hunter]

sorry you're right I wasn't specific, Ailysa hit the nail right on the head, it wasn't that your story was bad or anything but it was the actual play like structure on top of that when i posted that reply I was mentally fatigue from reading the fanfics here. However once I'm done I might give it a chance like I did to "Repainted" that was nice really liked it didnt expect the ending very nice also really like the way you described familiarity "... familiar to the inside of my pocket" or something on those lines

[Nosedagger]

Define a "play like structure".

[Pirate_Hunter]

Your attempt to create a play was poor, character names don't go on top but besides text that kind of thing puts people off 'even if it is good they wont read they'll choose someone else'. I didn't read any parts of this play just at how you put everything and decided i didnt like, the truth in the real world before reading we take the full context of the page i.e. How words are alligned, paraqraphs, strange words, italics etc and decide with that we decide if we like it or not just like 'Repaint'. I would advise you to read other plays from Shakespear and others youll get it right sooner or later

[Nosedagger]

Okay, I've had it with you.

Your attempt to create a play was poor, character names don't go on top that kind of thing puts people off

No, you are poor.

Try reading a damn play. Character Lists always go on top. I know because I won a professional competition with a play with a character list on top. Put that in your hat and eat it.

besides text

Lol text

No explanation for this?

the truth in the real world before reading we take the full context of the page i.e. How words are alligned, paraqraphs, strange words, italics etc and decide with that we decide if we like it or not just like 'Repaint'.

I don't mean to fireball you, but if you grant more importance to "strange words", italics, para-fragging-graphs, and general formatting than the actual story then you're not even fit to even comment on a ten-year old's composition.

Who the bloody hell judges a story entirely on where it's friggin' character list is?

I hope you go to literary purgatory where the likes of Tolkien and Danielle Steel jab you with quills or something.

'even if it is good they wont read they'll choose someone else'. I didn't read any parts of this play just at how you put everything and decided i didnt like

Republic Commando: Triple Zero by Karen Traviss. Hailed as one of the best Star Wars novels (and a good novel in its own right) with a character list at the beginning.

I would advise you to read other plays from Shakespear and others youll get it right sooner or later

You right little bugger. You can't even spell Shakespeare. I've read some of his work, di'kut. I've read The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams, too, plus a few other good Singaporean plays. I probably know more about the length of your gorram armpit hair than you do about the literary world.

So stay away from my work. I don't need your criticism, or more aptly, your staggering stench of ignorance.

[Ailysa]

Originally Posted by Pirate_Hunter

Your attempt to create a play was poor, character names don't go on top but besides text that kind of thing puts people off 'even if it is good they wont read they'll choose someone else'. I didn't read any parts of this play just at how you put everything and decided i didnt like, the truth in the real world before reading we take the full context of the page i.e. How words are alligned, paraqraphs, strange words, italics etc and decide with that we decide if we like it or not just like 'Repaint'. I would advise you to read other plays from Shakespear and others youll get it right sooner or later

'coz you respect Shakespeare enough to spell his name right.

Here's an excerpt from Romeo and Juliet:



Dramatis Personae

*ESCALUS prince of Verona.
*PARIS a young nobleman, kinsman to the prince.
*MONTAGUE, CAPULET } heads of two houses at variance with each other.
*An old man, cousin to Capulet.
*ROMEO son to Montague.
*MERCUTIO kinsman to the prince, and friend to Romeo.
*BENVOLIO nephew to Montague, and friend to Romeo.
*TYBALT nephew to Lady Capulet.
*FRIAR LAURENCE, FRIAR JOHN } Franciscans.
*BALTHASAR servant to Romeo.
*SAMPSON, GREGORY } servants to Capulet.
*PETER servant to Juliet's nurse.
*ABRAHAM servant to Montague.
*An Apothecary.
*Three Musicians.
*Page to Paris; another Page; an officer.
*LADY MONTAGUE wife to Montague.
*LADY CAPULET wife to Capulet.
*JULIET daughter to Capulet.
*Nurse to Juliet.
*Citizens of Verona; several Men and Women, relations to both houses;
Maskers, Guards, Watchmen, and Attendants.
*Chorus.

[Scene: Verona: Mantua.]

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Prologue

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,
And the continuance of their parents' rage,
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

Act 1

"scene" 1

Scene 1

[Verona. A public place.]

[Enter SAMPSON and GREGORY, of the house of Capulet, armed with
swords and bucklers]

SAMPSON

Gregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals.

GREGORY

No, for then we should be colliers.

SAMPSON

I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw.

GREGORY

Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar.

SAMPSON

I strike quickly, being moved.

GREGORY

But thou art not quickly moved to strike.

SAMPSON

A dog of the house of Montague moves me.

GREGORY

To move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand:
therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away.

SAMPSON

A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will
take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's.

GREGORY

That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes
to the wall.

SAMPSON

True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels,
are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push
Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids
to the wall.

GREGORY

The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.


----------------------------------------------

Guess what?

Starts with a list of characters' names AND has character's names are on top of their lines.

And yes, this is the real thing. A "PLAY-LIKE STRUCTURE" by Shakespeare himself.

[Yune_]

That Alucary signature fag got owned

[Senvae]

Gotta side with them here Pirate. I wrote a play myself and I used a very similar format. Come to think of it... maybe I'll post mine too.

[Misuzu]

Yeah I have to go against Pirate as well on this occassion.