Montone - The Great Oak

[Admiral]

I know that this isn't exactly a fanfic, but I think it is sort of a fun story to read. Hopefully the first of many, let me know what you think.

Montone - The Great Oak

Driven by the need to redeem himself, Montone ventured forth from the haven of Coss in search of a tool to aid him. He had heard from one of the other boarders in the safe house that there lay a tower not far to the north of town that held an item with magical qualities unmatched for miles. Needing all the power he could muster to face off against the Velkans again, he gathered his great bladed bow about his shoulder, filled his quiver full of hand-crafted arrows, and set out along the northwestern path, away from the Velkan building sites.

Night began to overtake the sky as Montone came to a fork in the road. A merchant had set up shop at the divide, selling basic provisions; salted meats, skins of water, scraps of leather and pins for patching holes. Montone came to the man, startling him as his yellow eyes loomed out of the twilight at a much greater height than those of the average traveler. Montone could see clearly through the growing darkness that the man was squinting, trying to get a better look at the newcomer.

Shakily and still visibly frightened, he choked out an abnormally loud greeting as he hastened to light the torches around his tent. With enough light now to take in his would-be customer, the merchant smiled brightly, as was his way, and spoke freely.

“Ah, an Aigalonian!” he said, still beaming, “I knew it from the moment I saw your eyes off in the distance. You’re quite a bit bigger than average though I’d say, and what’s that… blonde hair? Who ever heard of such a thing as an Aigalonian with blonde hair? Well, we are what we are, are we not? In any case, blonde hair, black hair, short or tall, Benkey’s got it all. The question my dear friend isn’t what I have, but what you need. So what can I do for you?”

“Directions,” Montone said slowly. Though he was by no means unintelligent, there had been little time for conversation on the work site and so he had never become much of a wordsmith.

“I see,” said Benkey, his smile fading along with the chance at a sale. “Well,” he sighed, “where’s your port of call?”

The oversized Aigalonian grunted, a perplexed look crossing his features.

“Err… my apologies, good sir; I used to be a seafaring man. Where are you headed?” Benkey asked.

“A tower to the north of Coss. I seek an item of great magical significance. I know no more than this,” answered Montone.

At the mention of the tower, the smile faded completely from the jovial merchant’s face. The color drained from him as well, his paleness highlighted by the flickering of the torchlight. “Dear friend, I strongly urge you to end your journey where you stand. Go no further, lest it be down this road,” he said, gesturing to the fork to his left, “For the western road takes you to a fate most horrible.”

“I do not fear combat, nor do I fear any combatant. If there is a guardian, I will slay him and retrieve the item,” said Montone flatly. Now knowing which road to take, he began to walk down the western path, scanning the blackness ahead for danger with his expert eyes.

Feeling a tug on his arm, the Aigalonian halted. “My friend, my friend, please listen to me here and now, for I dare not venture much further along this road,” said Benkey, “You do not face any ordinary adversary ahead. The man, if you can call him that… You see, no one has ever seen him as he is. Any who gaze upon him see not a man or even a living figure. No, they see fear. Their greatest fear, to be precise.”

Sensing skepticism in Montone’s countenance, the merchant, driven by his own benevolence, told of his own horror. “I once was young as you are,” he said, “Out in the world, seeking all of the rarities of the lands to bring me all of the riches. I and my crew heard tell of an object of some sort, the very one that you seek, no doubt, that held more power than anything within a thousand miles in any direction. Eager and headstrong, we journeyed up this very road, ignoring the warnings of the folk down in Coss, and reached the tower. Never had we seen such a sight, such beautiful craftsmanship. Too young to appreciate that beauty often gives shelter to danger, we swaggered into the tower, swords at the ready. The innards of the tower are surprisingly simple. There is a spiraling stair that leads to a chamber at the top. I was the last in our line, and so I was just out of sight when the first of us started to scream. And they were terrifying screams! Grown men screaming as if they were being tortured, screaming of scorpions and spiders and unholy spirits, each man haunted by a different demon!”

The younger of the two men stared wide-eyed at his elder, but said nothing.

“I am not ashamed to say that I ran and did not look back,” said Benkey, “Not for many hours, leastways. I crept back to the tower the next morning and I could still hear my companions screaming in fear. They must have starved to death in their madness, trapped in that chamber, unable to move. I came back each day, and after a week or so, voices started to drop out of the din. After two weeks there was only silence, and so I made a vow to myself to protect all others from that fate. It was then that I set up my shop at the fork in the road. I have been here for many seasons now, and I have saved many from the insanity of their fears as I try to save you now.”

“Glass,” grunted the Aigalonian.

“Excuse me?” asked Benkey, “I’m afraid that I don’t underst…”

“Do you have any glass?” asked Montone, exasperated. “Not too heavy, but large enough to cover my hand,” he said, spreading his fingers wide for the merchant.

“Well…” said Benkey, confused, “Yes, I think that I do have something around that size. But wha…”

“What is the price?” asked Montone. “I have little coin.”

“I suppose we could barter. What have you to trade?” asked Benkey.

“I will make you a deal,” said Montone, “I will return with the glass by morning, and I will bring the skulls of your fallen companions so that you may give them proper burial.”

“Have you heard nothing of the threat of your fears!?” Benkey exclaimed.

“I have none,” said Montone flatly.


- Too many characters so I cut it off at a decent point to do so.

[Admiral]

(continued from above)

With the piece of glass wrapped and held tightly in the belt of his black cloth pants. Comfortably barefoot due to his thick-soled feet, he wore only his leather belt and his black pants, tattered at the bottoms. Tall and broad-chested, he strayed greatly from the trademark features of the Aigalonian people. The only link between them was his pair of glowing yellow eyes that, like all those of his race, allowed him to see clearly in all but the deepest darkness. And so when he came upon the tower in the dead of night, he could easily make out the entrance and all of the details of the craftsmanship that the merchant had mentioned.

The tower rose to nearly ten times the height of the Aigalonian and branched out near its apex, mimicking the form of some rare tree that Montone had never come across. Yet, and this was its most distinctive quality, it seemed to be carved seamlessly out of stone. A great mason must have crafted this monolith from an enormous rock, and yet even the smallest details were as expertly crafted as the basic structure itself, from the staircase spiraling from the desert floor to its high chamber, to the twig-thin stone branches carved for decoration.

As with all tasks undergone by the Aigalonian, there was no pause to be seen in his stride. Any contemplation was long past as he passed over the threshold and ascended the spiraling staircase. Upon reaching the entrance to the upper chamber, Montone drew his bladed steel bow off of his shoulder and rapped the bottom against the stone floor.

“Whoever may lie within would do well to keep still,” he called through the doorway. He waited for a moment for a response and heard only a soft hissing from within. An eerie light bathed the floor just outside of the chamber; candlelight mixed with something the Aigalonian had never witnessed. Fearless as ever, he rounded the corner with his bow out in front and his eyes on the floor. The hissing grew louder as he came into sight, and Montone sensed a shape not far in front of him. He moved slowly sideways until he was in front of the being, and then looked it directly in the eyes.

What he saw were eyes that matched his own in color and nothing else. Where his were human, the eyes before him were slits, sheathed by a green scaled head that flowed into a long, reptilian body. As he stared, Montone saw as the head began to bob to the side, back and forth for nearly a minute, eyeing the intruder. Finally, the mouth stretched open and an unearthly voice filled the chamber.

“Why do you not cower?” it hissed. “Why do you not scream?”

“I have lived in both this life and the next,” said Montone in a low voice, stretching his body into a fighting stance, “I fear nothing.”

The serpent, outraged at his intruder, lunged forward with fangs bared. Montone quickly pulled the piece of glass from his belt and thrust it in front of the serpent’s face. It stopped suddenly and began to hiss erratically, but was unable to turn its eyes away from the glass. Moving carefully so that the beast’s line of sight was not obstructed, Montone set the glass against the wall of the chamber and stepped back behind the mesmerized serpent. In one swift strike, he beheaded the beast with the bladed arm of his bow, and then set about searching the chamber.

There were no skulls to be found within the chamber, but Montone quickly located the object which he had sought, and which had been the source of the eerie light that had poured out through the doorway. The last foot or so of the serpent’s tail appeared to be made of some sort of translucent material, possibly crystal, and within it lay what were unmistakably small bolts of blue lightning striking endlessly against the sides of the container. Having no knowledge of how to work such an object, Montone slipped it into a pouch on his belt and quickly left the tower. He reached the merchant’s tent as the sun was rising, stopped briefly to share his tale, and then proceeded down the northeastern fork.

[Senvae]

Pretty good. Enthralling story even. There were a few minor mistakes, and a couple of places where I would have described differently (hard to image the description right away at certain moments). In any case, good job.

PS: This text was better than most works we get in this section. I hope this is really your work (we had plagiarism before in this section, so I'm a bit doubtful now). If you can write a Gunz related story (even a very short one) with this quality, then all doubt will be removed from my mind.

[Admiral]

It is my work, I can take a screenshot of my "Stories" folder if you'd like, or post some other things that I've written. I don't write things on a whim usually though, but instead get into a certain character and write as that character for a while.

I've also got a few plays in the works, one of which I finished and directed this past spring.

But you mention flaws within, could you be a bit more specific? This is sort of a new writing style attempt for me (much less detail than usual, I can give you a page or two of a different story to give you an idea) and I want to try to perfect it. I feel that less detail often improves the flow of the whole thing, so I tried to leave a good deal of information within the reader's mind, but at the same time create sort of a very large confinement as to how those ideas are formed by the reader. And because that probably doesn't make sense, it's more like I give a vague idea of what's going on and leave it to the reader to do the rest because I feel that it's more enjoyable.

In any case, thank you very much for reading, and if you can give any specific advice/want to see other things I've written/plotted out, let me know.

EDIT: Also, if you search for it online, I go by "gotpants" on some other forums, so you may find the same story under that name.

2nd EDIT: I have an idea! I can write another tale that is sort of placed in the Mansion level, with some minor modifications. The characters will not have guns, of course, but I can use that setting/floor plan. I may have to go with the "Golden Apple from the Tree of Life" idea though, as I haven't plotted it out yet.

Btw, the Golden Apple from the Tree of Life is just an idea I came up with for writing adventure stories. Often times, (as you can see in the story above), the item itself that is being sought is not necessarily that important. So, if I cannot think of a background/description of the item before beginning to write the adventure, I can say, for the time being, that my protagonist seeks the Golden Apple from the Tree of Life, and then I can write the adventure straight through without any writer's block. Afterwards, once I think up an actual reward or consequence, I can go in and change it around. I think it helps to remove the "Oh, I can't write this because I have this minor detail bothering me" mentality that many writers have.

[Senvae]

Its ok, I'm only skeptical because of the bad luck we had with this guy who did a massive plagiarism streak. That, and most writers on this site doesn't exhibit a whole lot of skills or serious effort. I think there is only Nosedigger, Wixern and I that have posted series. Bulletszz wasn't so bad, but I think he quit hanging out here. So you see, it is a rare event to have a new writer here.

So you write and direct plays huh? I can barely play GunZ between my own projects, but interesting to meet other mature players.

You should take a look at my Fiery Lotus stories. You might find it interesting.

[Admiral]

Direct play* I've only got one under my belt so far, but I'm still young, so it's not a big deal. I'll give them a look sometime this week... what are they about?

[Senvae]

Its a GunZ Fan-fiction, that takes all the names of guns and items, the names of groups, but puts them in a different universe that I created. That means its not official lore, and I have a larger creative control on the story. I took my in-game character (who is also called Senvae) and my female character (Athyanas). The story is a bit complex, but there are lots of interesting dialogues and good action.

Anyways, welcome aboard!

[Nosedagger]

It is my work, I can take a screenshot of my "Stories" folder if you'd like, or post some other things that I've written. I don't write things on a whim usually though, but instead get into a certain character and write as that character for a while.

[Admiral]

You quoted me but put no message. I am rather confused.

[Nosedagger]

Originally Posted by Admiral

You quoted me but put no message. I am rather confused.

It's a picture. Can't you see it?

[Admiral]

No I cannot.

[Nosedagger]

It's a picture of Agent Smith, a shot of him in Matrix Reloaded after one of his clones got his ass kicked and hisses, "More..."

The caption underneath is, "MOAR".

[Admiral]

Ah, so a compliment then, sort of, maybe?

I'll take it as one

I'll post up some older things that I've written and half-written. I'm currently working out another tale for Montone in my head, but it hasn't reached the written stage yet.

[Pirate_Hunter]

Originally Posted by Senvae

I think there is only Nosedigger, Wixern and I that have posted series. Bulletszz wasn't so bad, but I think he quit hanging out here. So you see, it is a rare event to have a new writer here.

I'm not even considered a good writer in the fanfic section, I know ive been away but i didnt think i was that bad.

*cries himself to sleep*

[Senvae]

Originally Posted by Pirate_Hunter

I'm not even considered a good writer in the fanfic section, I know ive been away but i didnt think i was that bad.

*cries himself to sleep*

You just haven't written anything in a while, we understand you're busy. Your old stuff is good though.