A Time Twisted -pt 1-[REWRITE]

terence775 · 05-17-2007, 09:22 AM

A soft scribbling sound could be heard. A middle-aged man who was sitting in a corner of a room was mumbling to himself while writing something in his notebook. “Faeye” was written on the book’s cover. Another man came up to him and exchanged a few words. He looked younger than the other and on the sheath of his sword were engraved the letters “Artrix”.

“Its best we leave now. We mustn’t keep him waiting.” “Faeye” nodded. He got up, kept his notebook, and put on a cloak. He walked out of the room, followed by “Artrix”. It was dark outside, with only a bit of light from lamps on the street. As they went through a forest, someone was following them. Faeye sensed this, and whispered something to Artrix. He nodded and continued walking onwards. The follower was uttering words under his breath while making funny actions as he followed the two. Suddenly, a bright blue light exploded in the forest, lighting up the surroundings. The ground where Faeye and Artrix were standing was frozen solid, but one of Artrix’s legs was frozen too. His speed was greatly reduced as he could only move with one leg. Faeye identified him as a warlock. He was wearing a long cape, reaching the dirt ground. His face was covered with a mask and he was holding a staff in one hand. He had a long white beard, which was tied to look like strings.

“What do you want?!” shouted Faeye. The warlock ignored this question, but only pointed to the book Faeye was holding. “Damnit! They found out…” Faeye cursed loudly while keeping the book in his shirt. Faeye stood there, tensed, every muscle in his body ready for a sudden burst of energy. He couldn’t run, or Artrix would surely be killed but he knew he couldn’t win.

“I’m….not….here….to…kill…you…” said the warlock. His voice was very dry, hoarse and deep. The warlock took out a book that looks similar the one Faeye has. “Your…time…hasn’t…come…yet…” the warlock said and began chanting. The warlock completely forgot about Artrix, who was behind him at that time. He walked slowly, his leg numb from cold, towards the warlock. Unsheathing his sword, he took a slash at the warlock.

“Heh…heh…heh” laughed the warlock sinisterly. “You…cannot…kill…me…” There was blood on Artrix’s sword. It looked like blood anyway. A black liquid was oozing from the warlocks body, slowly melting the sword and Artrix’s armor. He quickly threw his armor off and wiped off the black liquid on a tree. The tree withered and died within seconds. There wasn’t much left of his sword. Most of the blade has melted, and if it wasn’t for the handle, his hand would be gone too. The golden hilt was stained and the runic characters on the sword were gone.

“Damn, for you to even damage my sword... Who are you anyway?” said Artrix, his voice full of anger yet calm. The situation was looking bad.
“Orders…from…my…master…” said the warlock. Much faster this time, he casted a strong spell. Artrix was blown off his feet and laid down on the ground. His head was bleeding and his breathing was unsteady. Faeye was blown back and hit his head against a tree. Faeye blanked out and Artrix was unresponsive.
“Hahahaha…hahaha…haha” laughed the warlock. He took his time now, casting a complex spell. He made a pentagon-like motion with his staff and doing weird figures with his other hand. He was mumbling magic words too fast to comprehend. A purple light appeared. It was small at first, but it was steadily gaining in size. As it got bigger, the air became very still as if being sucked out. With a final dynamic motion, the purple light was now at the size of an average human in diameter. The warlock levitated the two bodies that were lying on the ground and tossed them into the hole. The hole sucked them in, and closed.

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This is a rewrite of my former Fan fiction, A Time Twisted. I hope it turned out better than before. As always, Criticize my work so that I can improve. Tell me which parts you like( if any) and which parts you don't and how I can improve.

Its short, yes but It felt long @_@;;

Heres the one before the rewrite
A time Twisted -pt 1-
Thanks a bunch for reading~

05-17-2007, 09:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
terence775 Gunzfactorian Soldier Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: South Eastern Asia Posts: 758 terence775's GamerBio	A Time Twisted -pt 1-[REWRITE] A soft scribbling sound could be heard. A middle-aged man who was sitting in a corner of a room was mumbling to himself while writing something in his notebook. “Faeye” was written on the book’s cover. Another man came up to him and exchanged a few words. He looked younger than the other and on the sheath of his sword were engraved the letters “Artrix”. “Its best we leave now. We mustn’t keep him waiting.” “Faeye” nodded. He got up, kept his notebook, and put on a cloak. He walked out of the room, followed by “Artrix”. It was dark outside, with only a bit of light from lamps on the street. As they went through a forest, someone was following them. Faeye sensed this, and whispered something to Artrix. He nodded and continued walking onwards. The follower was uttering words under his breath while making funny actions as he followed the two. Suddenly, a bright blue light exploded in the forest, lighting up the surroundings. The ground where Faeye and Artrix were standing was frozen solid, but one of Artrix’s legs was frozen too. His speed was greatly reduced as he could only move with one leg. Faeye identified him as a warlock. He was wearing a long cape, reaching the dirt ground. His face was covered with a mask and he was holding a staff in one hand. He had a long white beard, which was tied to look like strings. “What do you want?!” shouted Faeye. The warlock ignored this question, but only pointed to the book Faeye was holding. “Damnit! They found out…” Faeye cursed loudly while keeping the book in his shirt. Faeye stood there, tensed, every muscle in his body ready for a sudden burst of energy. He couldn’t run, or Artrix would surely be killed but he knew he couldn’t win. “I’m….not….here….to…kill…you…” said the warlock. His voice was very dry, hoarse and deep. The warlock took out a book that looks similar the one Faeye has. “Your…time…hasn’t…come…yet…” the warlock said and began chanting. The warlock completely forgot about Artrix, who was behind him at that time. He walked slowly, his leg numb from cold, towards the warlock. Unsheathing his sword, he took a slash at the warlock. “Heh…heh…heh” laughed the warlock sinisterly. “You…cannot…kill…me…” There was blood on Artrix’s sword. It looked like blood anyway. A black liquid was oozing from the warlocks body, slowly melting the sword and Artrix’s armor. He quickly threw his armor off and wiped off the black liquid on a tree. The tree withered and died within seconds. There wasn’t much left of his sword. Most of the blade has melted, and if it wasn’t for the handle, his hand would be gone too. The golden hilt was stained and the runic characters on the sword were gone. “Damn, for you to even damage my sword... Who are you anyway?” said Artrix, his voice full of anger yet calm. The situation was looking bad. “Orders…from…my…master…” said the warlock. Much faster this time, he casted a strong spell. Artrix was blown off his feet and laid down on the ground. His head was bleeding and his breathing was unsteady. Faeye was blown back and hit his head against a tree. Faeye blanked out and Artrix was unresponsive. “Hahahaha…hahaha…haha” laughed the warlock. He took his time now, casting a complex spell. He made a pentagon-like motion with his staff and doing weird figures with his other hand. He was mumbling magic words too fast to comprehend. A purple light appeared. It was small at first, but it was steadily gaining in size. As it got bigger, the air became very still as if being sucked out. With a final dynamic motion, the purple light was now at the size of an average human in diameter. The warlock levitated the two bodies that were lying on the ground and tossed them into the hole. The hole sucked them in, and closed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is a rewrite of my former Fan fiction, A Time Twisted. I hope it turned out better than before. As always, Criticize my work so that I can improve. Tell me which parts you like( if any) and which parts you don't and how I can improve. Its short, yes but It felt long @_@;; Heres the one before the rewrite A time Twisted -pt 1- Thanks a bunch for reading~ __________________ GTDRPG: Artrix GTDRPG: Layne Last edited by terence775; 05-17-2007 at 09:25 AM.