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03-29-2008, 02:19 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Gunzfactorian Soldier  |  Cerb's Saga ACT 1 REBIRTH Cerberus: Well, it's been several months since I left home seeking Adventure. The country of Alaria is large, and I've seen some interesting things, but I still haven't found anything truly remarkable or...Adventurous.But I've heard that the harbor town of Serenia has been having some problems with monsters. It's a large port, so there should be lots of things to do. And its Adventurers' Guild is famous throughout the country.(The Adventurers' Guild serves as a clearinghouse for "adventurous" jobs and those looking for them.)I should be able to see the town right past this last bend... SMACK! "Ow!"?!?!? Girl's Voice: Hey, watch where you're going, jerk! Second Girl's Voice: KYAAAA! Pissed-Off Girl: HEY! Are you staring at her panties after you just knocked her over?!? Cerberus: N-No, of course not... Pissed-Off Girl: That's the most disgusting, perverted, cowardly thing I've ever heard of, knocking a helpless girl down just to peek at her underwear! Cerberus: But I-- Pissed-Off Girl: You despicable, sniveling, small-dick bastard! Pissed-Off Girl: Fine! Good riddance! ...Cerberus: Small-dick bastard? Cerberus: What the hell was HER problem? Well, I'd better get to the Guild... Old Woman: Whoa there, sonny! Where you going in such a hurry? Cerberus: Oh, sorry! Well, I was just-- Old Woman: Going to the Adventurers' Guild for fame, fortune and maybe some nookie along the way? Cerberus: Wha? Old Woman: Oh, don't think I don't know what young men think about. Those were some nice-looking girls that you just smacked into, huh? Cerberus: Who ARE you? Granny E: All anyone ever calls me is Granny E. I've experienced a lot in my long life. Cerberus: I believe you. Granny E: And I'm here to tell you one important thing... Each of those girls has a problem weighing on her soul. Granny E: If you could help solve those problems, you might get something good in return! Hahahaha! Granny E: Bye now! Don't let me down! ... Cerberus: What the hell? This day has just been one freak after another. Well, guess I'd better see what kind of lunatic is running the Adventurers' Guild... Heading to the guild... Old Dude: Good afternoon! Hm, strong lad, armor, sword... I bet you're looking to be an Adventurer! Cerberus: That's right, my name's Cerberus. I've been wandering Alaria, seeing the sights...I've heard Serenia has a good Adventurers' Guild. Guildmaster: Of course, of course! I'm biased, I admit, but I believe that our Guild is the best in all of Serenia! My name's Saturn. I'm the Guildmaster. Cerberus: Mr. Saturn? Guildmaster: Never say that again. Guildmaster: Anyway, we've got lots of jobs to do. Everyone's getting ready for the Spring Festival, it's in 32 days! Remember that, just 32 days! Guildmaster: You can help move cargo at the docks, or you can assist our wizards in enchanting magical fireworks and party favors for the Festival. (In 32 days!) Cerberus: Hey, wait! Boxes and party favors? That doesn't sound like real Adventure to me! Guildmaster: Ah, well, about that...You're aware, I'm sure, that while the Adventurers' Guild offers free room and board to its members, it can *revoke* those privileges at any time... On the authority of the branch head, i.e., me. Cerberus: ... Guildmaster: Okay, okay. There WILL be some real Adventures soon, but for now you should earn some money, build up your abilities and explore the town. Cerberus: Fine, no problem. See you around, old man. Guildmaster: Oh, and one other thing... Guildmaster: There are another couple of beginning Adventurers that you'll probably be seeing a lot of. Girls? Pissed-Off Girl: Oh no, not you! Shy Girl: ! Guildmaster: Taiyo, the battle babe, and Selene, the magess in training. Be sure to take good care of them! Taiyo: Screw this, I'm leaving! C'mon, Selene! Cerberus: What have I gotten myself into? ACT 2 PREPARATIONS Cerberus : This life sucks .. *Working at docks* Taiyo: Yeah, move those boxes, *****! Taiyo: I'll just sit here with my margarita and watch. Cerberus: This would be easier without your 'encouragement'. *Working at Lab* Selene: I think it's nice that you're going to help make things for the Festival. It's good to see a man who can be creative like this. Cerberus: Oh, I'm VERY good with my hands. Selene: Yes, that's important. ...Selene seems very innocent. Cerberus : Ah , too much work , boring... Time to train .. *Seeking Taiyo* Cerberus : Lets spar Taiyo: Want to spar, huh, perv? Cerberus: I'm not a perv, but I'd like to spar. Taiyo: Uh-huh. Right. Sure. Taiyo: En garde, *****! *Seeking Selene* Cerberus : Shall we train ? Mylady.. Selene: Okay, I guess we can practice magic...have you ever done it before? Cerberus: Uh, well, yeah, kinda. Selene: Um, okay...well, let's try the simple fire spell... FWOOSH! Cerberus : I AM ON FIRE , TURN IT OFF , WATER WATER !!! Selene: KYAAAA! PUT IT OUT! Cerberus : Oh well , this sucks .. I should go to the cave outside the village.. Cerberus : What? .. You're here?! Damn.. Taiyo: Oh, great! YOU'RE the one supposed to help me recover the Sacred Item? Cerberus: I could say the same thing! Guildmaster: Now, now, cooperation is the ESSENCE of the Adventurers' Guild! Taiyo: Where the hell did YOU come from? Guildmaster: I was picking mushrooms. The Guildmaster runs off. Cerberus: Fine, let's just get this over with, okay? Taiyo: Fine! Taiyo: Go ahead, fearless leader. Cerberus: Okay, let's see...wha! Arrows suddenly whisk out of holes in the wall, narrowly missing you! Taiyo: Ah, good, now we now to keep low. The next room has a large flat stone set into the floor, stretching from wall to wall. Cerberus: This looks suspicious. Taiyo: Yes, it does. Taiyo kicks you from behind and you stumble onto the stone. Cerberus: Gah--oh, crap! A huge slab rushes down from the ceiling! Fortunately, you manage to roll forward out of the way before it crushes you. The slab pounds downward, then retracts. Taiyo dashes forward to join you as it does so. The slab pounds down a couple more times, then gives up. Taiyo: Good job! You may make a good Adventurer. Cerberus: If I survive, no thanks to you! The next room contains a large hole, too big to jump across. Taiyo: Hmmm, how are we going to cross this? Cerberus: I think I can jump across. You LEAP across the chasm... ...and bounce off the far side, falling into the deep pit below! Cerberus: AAAAAAAGGHHHH... Fortunately, the pit leads out to the mountainside...after bouncing you around a bit. Okay, a lot. Taiyo: Well, this adventure was a bust. Thanks for nothing, small-dick bastard! Cerberus: ...ow... Cerberus: First try .. First fry.. Cerberus : Well , i should be strenght training , to pass that big gap.. *Seeks Taiyo to train with* Taiyo: Ah, there you are, perv. You've been doing pretty well lately. Cerberus: Really? Thanks! Taiyo: But you've got a long way to go! En garde! Cerberus: AAAAAAGH! *Cerberus was defeated* Cerberus : Lets do it again.. Taiyo: Hey, it's the star pupil. I never thought I'd say it, but you're becoming a pretty good warrior. Cerberus: I bet I'll be able to wrestle you to the ground soon. Taiyo: Oh, I bet you'd like that, perv! Taiyo: Keep talking and I'll demonstrate my patented Taiyo Kick to the Soft Bits. Cerberus : Time to train my magic then.. *Seeks Selene* Selene: Okay, I guess the only way you'll ever get better is with practice... Cerberus: Thanks for the vote of confidence. Hey! Why are you holding that bucket of water? Selene: What? Um...this? Selene: No reason, really... Cerberus: ... ACT 3 THE END OF MY LIFE The day of the Summer Festival arrived... Taiyo: Hey, perv! Having fun? Cerberus: Uh, sure! Taiyo: Cool. Me and Selene are going to hang out and see the Festival. Have fun! Selene: Bye Cerberus, have fun! Cerberus: Uh, bye. Wait, what?!? Cerberus: Crap...alone again. Granny E: Why, what are you doing here all by yourself, youngun! Granny E: Oh, I know! You didn't solve the Adventures in time, so the girls blew you off! Cerberus: What?!? It's not my fault! Being an Adventurer is hard! Granny E: Aw, don't worry! Even though you didn't do that well, I'll give you something good! Granny E starts to pull up her robe. Cerberus: What?!? NOOO! Cerberus: EEEEEYAAAAAARRRRGH!... ............ Taiyo: ...Hey, what are you doing lying in the street, perv? |
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03-29-2008, 02:33 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| Gunzfactorian Guardian  | Re: Cerb's Saga Boredroom. Now, this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down And I liked to take a minute Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air In west Philadelphia born and raised On the playground was where I spent most of my days Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school When a couple of guys Who were up to no good Startin making trouble in my neighborhood I got in one little fight and my mom got scared She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air' I begged and pleaded with her day after day But she packed my suite case and send me on my way She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket. I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'. First class, yo this is bad Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass. Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like? Hmmmmm this might be alright. But wait I hear there're prissy, wine all that Is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat? I don't think sow I'll see when I get there I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air Well, the plane landed and when I came out There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out I ain't trying to get arrested I just got here I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I can say this cab is rare But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air' I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later' I looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air |
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03-30-2008, 01:50 AM
| #12 (permalink) |
| Gunzfactorian Patriot  Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: North Sea
Posts: 468
 | Re: Cerb's Saga You lied you werent bored it is obvious you made the effort to write those.. anyway its a failure and thats the nicest way I can say that without getting banned straight after my long absence from this forum. Well going to read other fanfics I know I promised svein that I would read his fanfics but damn he made 7 chapters  oh well |
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