La-La Angela? Prologue, Chapter 1, 2

Sigh · 12-07-2007, 04:51 PM

Deleted. Please Lock or Close.

Junji · 12-07-2007, 06:39 PM

massive wall of text.
but good

thanks gj

Senvae · 12-07-2007, 07:39 PM

This is the longest prose you ever wrote,... and possibly the most inconsistent. You mixed past and present tense and had a few grammatical errors too. As for the humor... just to let you know I'm not a stuck up suave who can't take a good joke: I watched and loved the Dave Chappelle show, Jay and Silent Bob. and bought Harold and Kumar,... yet those kind of naughty sexual references and racist jokes have to be used in key moments or else they are just sad. The best comedy (even the dirty one) has to be put in context to work its best assets.

Well... I usually like your material and regard it highly, but this one didn't do it for me. I'll try and read chapter 2 some other time.

12-07-2007, 04:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
Sigh Gunzfactorian Guardian Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Singapore Posts: 1,767 Sigh's GamerBio	La-La Angela? Prologue, Chapter 1, 2 Deleted. Please Lock or Close. __________________ Rawr!@! Last edited by Sigh; 01-14-2008 at 09:01 AM.

12-07-2007, 06:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
Junji Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: +rep threads Posts: 61 Junji's GamerBio	Re: La-La Angela? Prologue, Chapter 1, 2 massive wall of text. but good thanks gj __________________ I ALWAYS +Rep back within 24hours.

12-07-2007, 07:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
Senvae Gunzfactorian Patriot Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Edmonton, Alberta Canada Posts: 402 Senvae's GamerBio	Re: La-La Angela? Prologue, Chapter 1, 2 This is the longest prose you ever wrote,... and possibly the most inconsistent. You mixed past and present tense and had a few grammatical errors too. As for the humor... just to let you know I'm not a stuck up suave who can't take a good joke: I watched and loved the Dave Chappelle show, Jay and Silent Bob. and bought Harold and Kumar,... yet those kind of naughty sexual references and racist jokes have to be used in key moments or else they are just sad. The best comedy (even the dirty one) has to be put in context to work its best assets. Well... I usually like your material and regard it highly, but this one didn't do it for me. I'll try and read chapter 2 some other time. __________________ Fan Fiction by Senvae THE FIERY LOTUS Part-1, Part-2, Part-3, Part-4, Part-5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 (Final Chapter)