First off, I'd like to suggest you properly arrange your story into organized paragraphs. This isn't a big deal, but I know some people can be thrown off by seeing such a huge wall-o'-text.
Second, I'd like to say right away that I enjoyed the story. I didn't expect that kind of ending, and it really surprised me in a good way. You seem not to have trouble finding stories to write about but rather how to write the story.
For example, you really need to try and avoid repetitions. I count 10 uses of the word Darkness, 42 uses of the word we, 72 uses of I in your first post, 12 uses of the word tree, 11 uses of the word snow, 9 uses of the word blood, 6 times the word treasure, etc. There's a couple of ways you can fix this issue, such as finding synonyms for the words in question, using metaphors and other figures of speech, totally rephrasing your sentences. Another good method I like to do is reading out loud your texts. Even if you're not that good at English, it can serve as practice, and sometimes it's easier to notice repetitions and things that don't sound right than constantly reading your text.
Also, I find first person narrators to be very hard to write because of the repetition problem, such as too much I's and We's. You don't have a lot of other options except phrase your sentences differently, which can be a hard thing to do. Experiencing with the third person might prove to be a bit easier(although you can encounter the same problems), but it really depends on what you have in mind.
Verb tenses are another thing you should work with. I notice a couple of them at the present tense, while the story is told in the past tense. For example,
Quote:
Originally Posted by bok choi  I was ready for it. I was ready to lose but ready to fight. I watched the sun go down and realized that the time had come. I put on my navy blue uniform and I leave to the open field. |
Notice how everything in this sentence is in the past tense, such as was, watched and realized but all of a sudden the word leave is left in the present tense? This is inconsistent and can potentially confuse readers, because we don't know if it's happening right now, or if it happened before. Put doesn't change because it's an irregular verb. It should either be like this...
"I am ready for it. I am ready to lose but ready to fight. I watch the sun go down and realize that the time has come. I put on my navy blue uniform and I leave to the open field." or...
"I was ready for it. I was ready to lose but ready to fight. I watched the sun go down and realized that the time had come. I put on my navy blue uniform and I left to the open field."
Note: Really not sure about the has and had before the word come.
And this brings me to my next point, too many simple, short phrases aren't good for the flow of the story. Merging them together and getting rid of words that you don't need is a good way to make it feel more alive, example...
"I was prepared for it, ready to lose, ready to fight, awaiting the moment of truth. As the sun went down, I put on my navy blue uniform and left to the open field."
This eliminates the five I's you had in that sentence, makes it flow more naturally, avoids some repetition. Even without changing the sentences too drastically, there's still a couple of things you could of changed and fixed all throughout your text.
All in all, though, a good effort and a good story, just needs to be written better.