[Wixern]

Several minutes later, Yahtzee and Janice sat down, each with a large pile of books next to them. They spent some time researching them, until they finally found one book which summarized exactly what they needed to know*.
‘Would you listen to this nonsense, chief? There’s actually a cult of religion built on waffles! Here, let me read some of this stuff… And thus the Waffle lord did not speak unto his followers. Instead, he shaped himself into existence by materializing within this world as the deliciousness awesomeness that we all know as a Waffle. The Waffle lord contains great power, and so there are rituals to be performed in his honour. One of these rituals is to…’

Yahtzee looked up from his own book, looking at Janice.
‘Well? What rituals?’
‘I can’t say, chief. The page’s been ripped out and replaced by a waffle.’ Janice said, holding up a delicious brown waffle.
‘I think that’s our clue. What’s this cult’s name?’
‘Uhhm… Waffle, chief. Just Waffle.’
‘Straightforward kind of cult, isn’t it?’
‘I think that we need to-‘
Before finishing her sentence, a scream issued from nearby. The two officers jumped into action and slowly made their way to the scream. After all, it might not be that serious, and there’s no need to waste energy before you know what’s going on.


When they arrived at the scene, they saw a woman, standing at what appeared to be a small marketplace, though there were no actual people to speak of.
‘Well, well, well, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?’ Yahtzee inquired, in his usual tone of business.
‘L-l-look!’ the woman stuttered, pointing at a pile of stuff.
When inspected closely, the pile appeared to have been made entirely out of waffles.
‘Well, ma’am, can’t help you there. There’s no law against trying to sell your waffles. Though a pile seems bloody inconvenient.’ Yahtzee stated.
‘That’s my husband!’
‘You must have an extremely happy marriage, ma’am.’
‘You don’t understand! My husband’s one of those waffles! All of the merchants here have been turned into waffles!’
‘Really? No wonder it’s so quiet in here. But not to worry, ma’am. My partner and I are already on the job.’

Yahtzee turned around and walked off, leaving the woman behind. However, two steps further he turned around after hearing a sound. There was no one there, however, except for Janice and a waffle. And a female in a top hat and a trench coat. She waved, and a symbol on the palm of her hand became visible.
‘Chief! That’s the Waffle symbol! She must be one of the cultists!’ Janice exclaimed, reaching for her firearm. Yahtzee, however, pushed down her arm and addressed the stranger.
‘Excuse me, ma’am. Are you perchance aware of the Waffle cult?’
‘Praise be unto the lord of Waffles.’ was the only reply.
‘All nice and dandy, but do you know anything?’
‘The sacrifices for the lord of Waffles are prepared.’
‘I see. And those sacrifices would be the people you turned into waffles?’
Rather than replying, the female held up her hand and displayed the symbol once more. She then turned around and started running.


‘Now, we give chase.’ Yahtzee said, dashing after the long trench coat. Janice followed him, her gun ready in case there would be any problems. They ran for quite a while, taking tours and detours. Night started falling and the chase went on in the dark. After several hours of tiring chase, the figure disappeared into a dark alleyway. Janice ran into it first, having left Yahtzee behind to catch his breath. As Yahtzee approached, however, all he saw was a flash of light which nearly blinded him.
He ran into the alleyway, where now stood only the strange Waffle woman. She was holding a fresh waffle in her hand, and took a bite.
‘… You. You… what..?’ Yahtzee stuttered.
‘This is a delicious waffle. You must try it.’ the woman said calmly, proffering the waffle to Yahtzee.
‘You gosh-darned-golly-horrific-murdering-*****! I’LL KILL YOU!’ Yahtzee said, coming back to reality. He drew his gun and took aim at the woman. At this time, however, he was unable to shoot. This was because another woman had come from above and had knocked him unconscious.


Several hours of darkness later, Yahtzee woke up. He was in some sort of dungeon, and as far as he could tell, he wasn’t tied up or imprisoned, or a waffle. He looked up and saw the two woman near a large altar. Dozens of other masked figures were there as well. Each of them was holding some sort of small object, and the whole place smelled faintly of fresh bakeries. Yahtzee came closer and sat next to one of the masked men. He recognized the man immediately as one of the local merchants by the broche he wore, though there seemed something different about him, safe for the fact that he was sitting among dozens of masked people praising a baked delicacy. He listened as one of the two women in front spoke, her voice resonating throughout the caverns.
‘My fellow Wafflites! We have all brought praise unto the Waffle lord! We have brought him sacrifices, and he has shown great joy! Now, we shall all sacrifice ourselves to the greater Waffle! Everyone, prepare your waffle!’

All the masked figures brought the waffles to their mouths. Upon the next command, they all bit down, and the soft sounds of munching arose from the room. Shortly afterwards, all of the figures fell down with a soft thud, which collected and became one giant thump. It was as if someone had squeezed all of the life out of the room, which was basically true. Yahtzee realized that he was the only one still sitting, and stood up. He watched the two women at the front and felt a rage rising inside.

‘YOU!’ He shouted, his voice booming through the caverns and echoing back and forth.
‘I really don’t think you should shout like that.’ The woman with the top hat said.
‘True enough. The waffle lord does not encourage anger.’ The second woman added.
‘I don’t bloody care! You murder my partner and eat her in front of me! You slaughter dozens of people for your sick little religion!’
‘We merely turned them into greater beings. Waffles are the epitome of perfection.’
‘Indeed. Your dear partner survived, though in a different shape.’
‘I don’t ruddy care for your god-darned apologies! You two are under arrest! Either you come with me now or I’ll shoot you both! You hear me!?’
‘Oh dear. You seem like you need a waffle. Would you perhaps like a fresh one?’
‘NO! I don’t want your waffles! I don’t want your cult, and I don’t want your murders!’

Suddenly, the attitude of the two women shifted. They became less bubble-headed. Their mischievous grins turned into frowns, and their voices became a lot more clear and direct.
‘Are you saying…’
‘… That you do not believe…’
‘…In the Waffle Lord?’ The two women spoke, each finishing the other’s sentence.
‘Yes! I do not believe in a Lord of soft snacks! And if I would, then it would be one of donuts!’ Yahtzee exclaimed exasperatedly.
‘You speak of blasphemy, stranger!’
‘Are you prepared to defend yourself?’
‘What are you blabbering about?’


In a split second, the two women had come off their altar. One now stood behind Yahtzee, holding a dagger to his neck. The other one, which was the one wearing the top hat and trench coat, held a revolver to his forehead.
‘Death to the dis-believer!’
‘Glory is Waffle! Let his death be swift!’
Yahtzee kicked backwards, releasing himself from the woman’s grip. He walked backwards and drew handgun. Or he would have, if this hadn’t been taken from him. He expected the women to come at him, to stab and shoot him; to kill him like they had killed Janice.
Instead, the two women paced backwards. Their mischievous smiles returned, though there seemed more behind them now.

The woman holding the dagger swiftly slashed through the air, severing a black rope which had, up till then, been concealed. The other woman shot at a point somewhere near the ceiling of the dungeon.
A rumbling sound arose from above Yahtzee. He looked up, and saw a large piece of rock coming down. It seemed oddly shaped, like a waffle. He looked back at the two women, who were smiling and waving at him oddly. For a split second, he could have sworn he saw a pumpkin head on one of them.
‘This is it, then, Janice. End of watch, end of patrol. I’ll be seeing you.’ Yahtzee said deflated.
Tons of stone fell upon him, and the world went black.


The two women looked at each other and showed their palms again.
‘We have sacrificed unto the Lord of Waffles. Let us close our ritual as usual.’
‘May your waffle be blessed.’
The two then stood staring at each other for several minutes. Eventually, the woman holding the dagger blinked. She smiled, as did the other woman, who aimed her revolver and pulled the trigger. The dagger woman went down with a smile on her face and a hole in her head.
‘And so the Halloween ritual of Waffle is completed. Praise be unto the lord of Waffles.’ said the woman, and she walked off, leaving the dungeon and all of its victims.



THE END.


*Note: This always happen. No matter if you have two or more books about the same subject, one will always contain the information you need, and the other will contain the same information in a more compressed term. It’s just the universe’s way of screwing with your precious time.



Author’s comments:
No waffles were hurt during the writing of this piece of work. All use of names, waffles, faces, pieces of text and quotes from the story are allowed by me, since I know that saying it’s illegal will only cause more people to steal it and use it as their own. Just remember to mention me. Extra credits to Destro once again, because he inspired me. Also, a big thanks to you, the reader, to my computer, who did a lot of work, and to my music, which kept me up despite my will to go to bed.